Questions That Lower Defenses
A defensive answer is usually the fault of the question. Change the question and the same person becomes candid.
Curiosity beats accusation, every time
"Why didn't you finish it?" demands a defense, so you get one. "Walk me through how the week actually went" asks for a story, so you get information. The content you want is identical; only one version can reach it.
The test is simple: if your question has a correct answer that makes the other person guilty, you have written an indictment, not a question.
Use the near-miss assumption
People correct what is wrong about them far more readily than they volunteer what is true. Offer a summary that is close but slightly off — "It sounds like the spec was clear and the timeline was the problem" — and let them fix it.
The correction is the real answer, and it arrives without anyone feeling interrogated.
Let the silence work
The three seconds after someone stops talking are where the second, truer sentence lives. Most leaders fill that gap out of discomfort and never hear it.
Ask, then close your mouth. Count to five if you must. Silence is not pressure; it is room.
Protect autonomy on the way out
End with a question that leaves the choice with them: "What would you want to try first?" People commit to conclusions they reached themselves and comply with conclusions handed to them. You already know which one lasts.
This week: rewrite the three questions you ask most often so none of them can be answered with a defense.
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